I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
