There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
