glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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