I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
