3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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