Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
kristin has been a bad kristin
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
