When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
