Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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