Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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