remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
