U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I love you. Go after that dick
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
