i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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