He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
