I just made out with a guy for $7.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
