she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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