Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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