I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
