I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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