hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
