i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
