The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
