Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
