I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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