My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
