If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
