Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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