there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
