girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
