doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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