His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
