Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
