Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
