i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
