Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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