I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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