That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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