i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
