textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
