i jhust puked up my retainher.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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