worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
