it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
ok first of all what the fuck
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
