so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize