Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
