Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I could fuck to npr.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
