Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
