They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
