Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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