guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
