I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
