They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Someone signed my nipple.
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