Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
