remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
COCAINE IS GR8
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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