I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
