Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Randomize
