Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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