i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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