I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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