k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
