im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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