the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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