just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
