I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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