Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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