he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
