oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
