Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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